If you're needing some new ideas for dates with your spouse you're in the right place! Sometimes we get bored with doing the same old things together. Or do you need to spice up your date nights? Are you feeling stuck in a marriage rut? Do your conversations usually go something like this?
"how did you sleep?"
"any ideas for dinner?" "did you see that we got the electric bill?"
"have a good day at work, love you"
Being stuck in this day-to-day, only living as roommates with each other is not the way marriage was designed to be. Chris and I have been there - multiple times over the past 11 years, so when I say these things it's because it's raw and real. It won't last forever! and it certainly takes effort, but you can do it!
Maybe you're still in the honeymoon phase and these things aren't an issue for you yet. Maybe you just had a baby, and your world is still in the "oh my gosh, I just can't believe how beautiful he/she is!!" or maybe you have been in this, what I like to call, the marriage rut and the kids are your only priority and you're checking things off your to-do lists but just leaving your marriage on the back burner or in the crazy cycle.
I have good news! There is a way to bring some laughter and enjoyment back into your marriage. There are ways to bring spice back into your intimacy and there are some questions that need to be asked. So here we go!
Ground Rules for Successful Dates with your Spouse!
1. No phones or electronics unless it’s GPS! Distractions can make one another feel unimportant or ignored and that is not the goal here.
2. Schedule dates for once a month at minimum. If your schedule allows and you can do more – great! To us – dates consist of no kids in our presence for a minimum of 2 hours. {It’s quite glorious! Ha!} But to be honest – sometimes I would rather be with the kids then deal with the marriage baggage. No poor excuses! Stick with the plan and enjoy each other’s company even if it starts out rough.
3. I have found there is usually one person in a marriage that does more of the planning – that’s ok! Don’t get discouraged if you are the one planning all the date nights. Keep on keeping on. Keep on being intentional and no throwing daggers about the lack of effort from the other side. God sees your heart. Depending on how deep your rut – just the effort of attending date night is a great start. Love is
unconditional and never fails, remember that! (1 Corinthians 13:7-8) And if you need a good book for more intentional marriage practices Chris and I highly recommend The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick. There is also a daily devotional that is wonderful!
4. Another thing – Chris and I like to be frugal. Some of these ideas below are just stay at home ideas because spending money can be a stressor. Something we have tried to work on is to simply switch it up. If the budget needs you home this month – stay home, if it allows then drag each other out and try something new. Challenge yourselves to try something new together – it can be really fun to fail miserably at something! and don’t do the same thing three times in a row. You’re trying to get out of the mundane habits to perk up your marriage so you have to switch things up. Get vulnerable. Get uncomfortable!
Lastly – you must know that we as married folks have an enemy. Satan. Satan hates the idea of marriage and two people madly in love coming together for the greater good of why God put them together. When you got married you probably said a vow to one degree or another that went something like this,
“I take{name} to be my wedded husband/wife, and I do promise a covenant before God and these witnesses, to be loving and faithful in plenty and in want, in joy and sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”
Whether you’re a full-blown active Christian or just said the thing you needed to say to get to the reception – it was before God and He takes that seriously.
Satan on the other hand; destroys, lies and kills anything that is good in God’s eyes. Ie, these date nights for your marriage. Things are going to come up. Emotions will be running high. Kids will be sick and temperamental. The car will break down. Every obstacle will be thrown your way when you start planning date nights but my number one piece of encouragement or ‘ground rule’ is don’t let the enemy win! Plan out your date nights in advance to avoid the things you can and stick to it!
20 Date Ideas
Golfing. Rent or borrow a set of clubs if you don’t have any and get out there! Keep your scores and just have fun. Tip for golfing newbies: Find a local golf course that isn’t very fancy and not as busy so you can go slow and enjoy the time without feeling like you’re holding anyone up.
Nature walk/hike or picnic. So many great walking trails. Bring a picnic basket and a blanket, climb trees, race up the hill. The goal is to make it fun!
Learn a new card game or board game. Prior to planned date night you could get on Amazon and order a new game, so you have something to look forward to when the day comes. If you have all night, we love game night marathons. Make some fun snacks and drinks and play games. Codenames Duet is a fun one! Hero Realms, or Risk. (Feel free to reach out for more game suggestions! I love games!)
Coffee and bookstore date. So cute!
Check out a local farmers market.
Go to a drive-in movie.
Go fishing. Great time to sit and chat!
Go for a bike ride.
Bake a cake together. Find a two layer cake on Pinterest and give it a shot! Make a mess and have fun!
At home spa night with massages. Get creative! Body candles, slow music and oils!
Paint a canvas. Grab some cheap canvas frames and a paint kit. Find a cute sunset painting on You Tube and get creative.
Couples yoga. You tube is great ya’ll! This will be sure to get you laughing if this isn’t your usual type of thing.
Wedding album date night. Grab all the wedding photos, grab some wedding-like cupcakes from a local bakery and some wine and flash back together.
Have deep conversation. Check out these conversation starter cards! Life Sutra Couple Connect cards.
Make your own mini wine/beer tasting night.
Play video games together.
Go to a rock climbing gym. Help each other during something tough. Everyone loves to feel loved.
Bowling.
Go canoeing or kayaking. My dad always says if you can canoe together down a river then you can handle marriage! Teamwork to the max!
Build something together. Get some lumber and a Pinterest idea and get to work! A little entryway table, or a play kitchen for the kids.
I hope some of these ideas sparked some interest to you and for your marriage. It’s completely normal for your marriage to go through seasons of “barely getting by” and that’s when I like to pull out these ideas. It takes intentional effort during those seasons, probably much different than when you first started dating.
Something we strive for in our marriage is to never stop learning more about each other. Same goes for our children – we ask them every night in bed one thing they learned today. You did it in school growing up, we continue to read books to learn new things or researching hobbies, and for some reason once we have been married for 5 or 10 years, we think we know our spouse well enough to sit back and chill. I personally think that is where some of the issues lie. Chris and I started dating when we were 15 years old. That feels like a lifetime ago and sometimes it's hard to recognize my old self. Life happens and we’re constantly changing and it only make sense that we continue to study and learn our spouse all throughout these changes in life and that happens by taking the time to have dates!
Wishing you all the best!
Morgan
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